I am unsure.

I'm not sure how to feel lately. I feel like I'm in a dead zone and I don't know how to get out.

The sun finally came out, but it left me. Everything and everyone seems to do that. Once I get happy, comfortable, content even, they pull away. And I can't hold on.

I'm starting meds soon. For ADD I think. Maybe depression. Or it might have been anxiety. It was to hard for me to focus. I was to busy bathing in the warmth of the sun.

Why did you have to leave me again sunshine. You know I need you and your warming love, sprawled around me. Without you I can't function. I don't understand how I have even managed to last this long with out you.

I am scared. I don't want to loose myself, cloud up my mind. It's still not hitting me that what I have is an actual problem, and that I'm not just a whiny bitch.

I hate this empty feeling. I want someone, anyone who cares. I need affection and love. Something I can grow into and trust. Something comfortable so I don't have to follow the sun.

I never thought I would actually have such a large amount of problems. I thought the meds were for those people who wanted to die and cried for attention ... I never cry for attention. I hate it.

I wish someone, something real, would surround me. Teach me to love the way I should. Help me learn to trust. Wrap their arms around me and teach me to be strong, tech me to stay warm.

Have I always been like this? Such a mental mess? Something so confusing I don't know what is going on half the time? The pressure is so strong, I wish I could give in. I don't want to die. But it is getting so hard to live.

I don't want to end up being a burden. I just need something more then a friend. Something more then just an embrace.

I am scared.