I killed my dinner with karate.

I am stressed.
Terribly, terribly.

I'd just like to skip this awkward in between phase and be a grown up now please.





[I don't want to get old though. Oh contradicting states of mind..]

I don't even know.

Life is long.
And I am tired and I just want to sleep through these stupid parts.
Gar..
-----
Denny moved into his apartment today.
I have a 4 day weekend coming up.
I should be more excited but I work Saturday and Sunday, have jazz band on Monday and have driver's ed on Tuesday.
Gar gar gar gar gar.
-----
All I want to do is nap, cuddle, and do anything that involves music.
I want to be on my own or just out of my house for awhile.
-----
I think I'm going to start working out again.
I'm really tired of feeling weak and unhealthy.
-----
I should learn to sleep more. Or get a better work ethic.
Goodnight.

I need to shut up.

Stupid brain.
Stupid brain.
Stupid brain.

Fuck the PSAT and testing in general and this whole fucking system.
I want my fucking 504. All I need for these tests is more time, some quiet, and the ability to stretch with the occasional typing of essays.
Not a single phone call has been returned after 10 months.
I am on meds. There is no real testing that needs to be done that has not already been confirmed by a doctor.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I am so fucking behind. In everything. I am a fucking failure.
Fuck Junior year. Fuck college requirements. Fuck this system.

I have no time.

Is it bad that I don't care when I'm not involved lately?
Before I at least got a pinch of envy when everyone would run off and do something and I wouldn't be invited. I felt forgotten.
I still feel forgotten, but it no longer bothers me. I love not being part of the constant drama of anger or nonsense. Even though I feel like I'm missing a part of high school, I do not need all that shit that goes on.
If people could just get together and nobody would whisper secretly to someone else for once I might make an effort to become social again, but every time I try people get started and I just want to scream and run away.

It would be nice to want to care.
I have my Denny. And my Patsy. And every now and then I talk to Zoe.
That's the best I'm going to do for awhile and I am sticking with it.

I want to know..

What the fuck happened to us.

I miss you guys..
You say you miss me too.
I haven't been able to even talk to you a tiny bit for a week or so.
And you're always running around constantly with him and other people "because you like hanging out with guys, like camp."

UGH.
I just want to be good enough as I am for someone.
I miss that feeling of being loved and accepted by someone who isn't blood related.

I just miss being in the loop.
Everyone has a Summer thing ready to go.
And I'm just here. It's weird and new and I don't like it.

I hate being lonely.

I am bored.

Hey look: http://wedinzo.tumblr.com/
YOU SHOULD MAKE ONE TOO!!!

I'm bored. And tired.
Nothing is happening in Animal Crossing Land...
I have the bears and they will be the death of me.
I have a job. At Play The Game, Read the Story. (I'm gonna get a discount now heh heh*snort*)

School sucks.
I still have alot of work to do for global.
I need to do an essay for marking period three, and a bunch of work for marking period four. Otherwise, I just failed that class...
shiiiiiiit.

I am terrible at posting.

I'm very busy (not doing anything) lately. That's why I haven't posted in a month or so maybe.
But these are the things coming up:

• My Birthday is on Thursday!?
• My tea/garden party is on Sunday!?
• I'M GOING TO PROM ON SATURDAY?!?!
• I have to get about 30 things of work done by Monday.
• I had call backs for Ragtime today.
• The cast list was just posted, I'm Brigit, the maid.

It hasn't even hit me that it's June yet. CrazyCrazyCrazy.